Friday, September 11, 2009

Have you ever felt like you are standing
in a busy street screaming but every single
person still passes you by, without even
This is how I felt twelve months ago in
the middle of year 11 when I came to
the sudden realization that life was not
Over a period of about two months I fell
into a deep hole of depression as several
cohesive issues arose in my life. It all
began when school started to get difficult;
after years of easy grades I suddenly had
to work for them and the requirements
became more complex and intense.
After a while I gave up trying as I convinced
myself that I just couldn't do it. I was lost and
confused, having no idea of what I wanted
of the future and loosing motivation day by
day. I thought that by giving up and ignoring
the difficult things life would get easier.
It did the opposite in fact - it became
much harder.

Gradually I became increasingly unhappy with
myself and it began effecting other parts of
my life, particularly relationships with my
Family and close friends. I became very removed
and distant as the emotions became more intense
and I fell deeper into this black hole.
Although I maintained the smile and the happy
face, I was screaming on the inside for someone
to notice how unhappy I was. After a while I
Began despising these people I love, convincing
myself that I was alone in the world, that nobody
understood me or really liked me.
Sadness turned to anger - I was angry at the world,
at myself and at everyone else. I began taking my
anger out on my family, constantly fighting with
mum. I just didn't know what else to do - fearing
the emotions and fearing having to deal with them
too, they just stayed bottled up inside.

I spent a lot of time alone in my room listening
to music and crying to myself, trying to escape
from the world. I soon found an outlet for
My emotions by writing and drawing. By getting
it all out onto paper I could begin to think more
clearly and make sense of how I felt.

The situation got better when I finally began to
talk about it and all of a sudden it did not seem
so bad after all. I opened up to a friend and it
all spilled out in tears and emotion as I realized
that people did care about me. It was like a huge
weight had been lifted from me shoulders.

I learned a lot about life as I overcame this
depression - it is not easy, but it's not meant
to be easy. It's the challenging times and
Experiences that make us better and stronger
people. I am now doing Year 12 and although I
still don't know exactly what I want to do in
Life I have realized that if you do things that
make you happy, you will get somewhere that you
want to be and you will find happiness along
the way. I get though each day, not feeling lost,
but living the moment for what it is and looking
forward to the future when things Work out
the way they are meant to.

Never give up, there's light at the end of
the tunnel.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

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