The best years of your life are the ones
in which you decide your problems are your
own. You don't blame them on your mother
the ecology, or the President. You realize
that you control your own destiny.
~ Albert Ellis ~
Our society loves to blame. Where does this
tendency come from, and why is our culture
so invested in its' victim mentality? Simply
put, if we set ourselves up as victims, we
don't have to take responsibility for our
actions and choices. It's much easier to blame
things on others - that way we don't have
to feel guilty about anything.
Guilt, shame and remorse are great strategies
of the ego-mind to keep us disempowered, weak
and at the mercy of beliefs that aren't the truth.
They keep us from embracing our divine nature
and the power we've been given to create our
reality. Most importantly, they allow us to
abdicate the responsibility we've been given by
Spirit for our lives.
The truth is there are no good or bad actions-only
ones that are taken with awareness or without
awareness. When we totally disempower the judge
in our ego-minds, we no longer feel guilt, shame
or remorse. In addition, if we are not guilty
we do not have to fear punishment. It is the fear
of punishment that has us wanting to blame our
actions on others.
Once the fear of judgment and punishment is removed
we can take responsibility for the actions we have
taken in non-awareness with gratitude - rather than
guilt. (Taking responsibility means that we make good
on what we've done to the best of our ability, which
is a more effective approach then simply receiving
Then we can clearly see what we've done to create
pain and suffering in our lives or the lives of
others and take different actions next time. This
is called learning from our life experiences, and
the lessons learned are far more valuable than feeling
badly about choices we've made in non-awareness
beating ourselves up and becoming weighed down with guilt.
Our friend and musician Cari Cole (creator of the CD
Circle of Fire) was kind enough to share part of her
personal story so that you can understand what's
possible with forgiveness.
My mother left my father when I was two years old
and took me with her. She crossed state lines, left
me in a foster home and never came back. I believed I
was a victim of circumstances. And most of my life
has been a struggle to survive and overcome the deep
sadness and loss within me.
What I finally discovered after 20 years of therapy
was that if I could tell myself the truth I could get
the perspective I needed to let go of the past.
The truth wasn't that my mother and father left me
because I wasn't good enough for them, (which I had
believed unconsciously from an early age) they left me
because of their own failings.
"Victims lie to themselves because the truth is too
painful. They lie for fear of losing the only structure
they know, however painful it is. Ultimately, it was
my suffering that drove me desperately to the truth
and the light, and to forgive my parents and myself."
2 by Sheri